Santa Claus has the right idea -
visit people only once a year.
Handmade presents are scary because they
reveal that you have too much free time.
Christmas gift suggestions: to your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service. To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.
Can I have your picture?
So Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me
on this Christmas.
I am dreaming of a "White Christmas..."
too bad it doesn't snow here.
The best gifts in life will never be
found under a Christmas tree!
Those gifts are friends, family, kids
and the one you love!
Thanks to M&M ads,
I constantly hear tiny screams whenever
I eat them.
I walk the streets with a smile on my face
while looking up. Just in case the cameras of
Google Maps are filming.
Everyone has three lives:
Their public life, private life, and secret life.
Prove that lightning isn't wizards fighting.
I bet you can't.
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for
speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry
before she forgot where she was going.
I've finally figured out what homeless people spend
their money on. It's not clothes. It's not booze.
It's not food. It's sharpies and cardboard.
If you FILL the glass to the halfway point,
it's half full. If you pour some OUT to get
it there, it's half empty.
Dear Curiosity,
Just put the gun down and let's talk this out.
Sincerely,
The Cat.
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
I wish I was a teddy bear laying on your bed;
so when you dream of someone else,
I can punch you in the head.
I am the author of my life. The only problem is,
I'm writing with a pen, so my mistakes can't
be erased.
At the grocery store, they usually have 6
check out lanes open, unless it's really busy,
then they only use one.
I hate when I fall into the trap of acting
like I know something and then get asked with
follow up questions.
I just put child locks on all my cabinets,
trash cans and cupboards. Now let's see those kids
get out of there.
Why does the disclaimer narrator prescription
drugs always sound so happy about all the
side effects?
I give serious props to Prince Charming for
kissing Sleeping Beauty. I can't imagine how bad her
breath must have been after sleeping that long.
I wasn't sleeping at my desk. I just needed to put
my head down to concentrate better.
Longest minutes in life:
1. Waiting for food out of the microwave.
2. Waiting for that one text/call.
I'm searching Facebook for people named Hontas,
just because I think it would be cool...
to poke a Hontas.
Why do some moist towelette packages come with
instructions that read, "Open package and use" -
what else would you do with them?
When I say "wow, that's crazy," 99 percent of the time,
it means I haven't been listening to a word of
your conversation.
Always borrow money from a pessimist.
He won't expect it back.
You know never how precious it is until you lose it.
And you never know how annoying it is until
you have it.
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car
but when you get in a bus, you go straight to
the back.
Consciousness:
That annoying time between naps.
Sometimes the strongest people in the morning,
are the ones that cry themselves to sleep at night.
Remember this when you think you've lost your way:
Sometimes it takes a WRONG turn to put us in the
RIGHT place.
Stop HOLDING on to what hurts
and make room for what feels good.
There are two kinds of secrets:
1. Those we keep from others.
2. Those we hide from ourselves.
Never make the same mistake twice.
There are so many new ones.
Try a different one each day.
You know he really cares when he asks
what's wrong, and you tell him "nothing,"
but he waits for the real answer.
Listen to your elders advices,
not because they are always right,
but because they have more experiences
of being wrong.
If it's important to you,
you will find a way. If it's not important to
you, you will find an excuse.
The three C's of life: Choice, Chance, Change.
You must make the Choice to take
the Chance if you want anything to Change.
A smart girl knows how to love.
A smarter one knows who to love.
Some people are like clouds when
they go away the day gets brighter.
Fairytales are just a fake happy ending
so little kids won't be scared to grow up
and fall in love.
A good apology has three parts:
1. I'm sorry. 2. It's my fault.
3. What can I do to make it right?
Whenever I try cleaning my room,
I either end up making a bigger mess
or playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
A second chance doesn't always mean
a happy ending. Sometimes, it's a chance to
end things right.
Don't waste your time looking back at what you lost.
Move on. Remember life is not meant to
be traveled backwards.
Emotionally, I'm done.
Mentally, I'm drained.
Spiritually, I'm dead and yet
physically, I smile.
The most difficult phase of your life is not when
no one understands you; it's when you don't
understand yourself.
Dear lads, How about this?
For every time you respect us and treat us right,
another slice of bacon will be added to any
sandwich made for you. Sincerely, a woman
who is willing to compromise.
When a guy is away from his girl, all he wants is
her trust. But on the girl's part, all she needs is
his loyalty.
Relationships are like sharing a book,
it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Before I met you I never knew what it was
like to look at someone and smile for no reason.
The problem with falling in love with your best
friend is that you can't talk to your best friend
about it.
Some people accidentally walk on my feet and
apologize, while others walk all over my heart
and don't even realize.
It is not in doing what you like,
but in liking what you do that is the secret
of happiness.
Sometimes, people run away to be alone,
but most of the time, they run just to see who'll
come after them.
There's always that one person who'd
do anything for you. That's the one you
should marry.
I know it's stupid to wait for you,
but every time I try to move on,
my heart keeps insisting that you're the one.
There are only two types of honest
people in this world, small children
and drunk people.
The end of one story is always a
beginning of another story. For everything
you lose, you'll always gain something better.
I try really hard to not cry over you,
because every tear is another reminder
that I still care.
Sooner or later, there would be one day you have
to choose between what your mind tells
you and what your heart feels.
That moment when you realize you are walking
in the wrong direction, so you hit your pockets
pretending like you forgot something and
then turn and go back the other way.
Friends are like songs. Some are out-of-tune,
some are out of timing, some get really annoying
after a while. Though the good friends are the
ones that are in key, perfect timing,
and you'll love forever and ever.
Maybe sometimes people don't change;
maybe you just never really knew who they were.
The good thing about lazy people is,
when we do something, we do it from the heart.
When a girl falls asleep while she's talking to you, it
doesn't mean you bore her. It means she doesn't
want to end the conversation.
Sometimes burning bridges isn't a bad thing.
It prevents you from going back to a place you
should never have been to begin with.
Bad relationships are like speed bumps.
They force you to slow down and think
about where you're headed.
Go to Google, type in "let it snow" and enjoy the magic.
I don't know how people can laugh in photos and still
look pretty and I look like an awkward horse?
I don't care if I can't sing. This is my favorite
song. Therefore I shall sing.
There is no panic like trying to press "End Call"
when you make an accidental call.
That awkward moment when two people start
a conversation on YOUR facebook status.
When food advertisements comes on television,
you suddenly feel like you haven't eaten in weeks.
How about an iPhone app where you just sigh
loudly and it fixes whatever is bothering you?
A girl's status will tell you more about
how she feels than she ever will.
I remember that one time, before Facebook/Twitter,
I went outside and did stuff.
Have you ever woke up ticked at someone because
of something they did in your dream?
I think Facebook should have a limit on how many times you change your relationship status. After three in a month, it should be changed to "Not Ready."
I'm sure God could care less who wins a football game, but He does care when someone thanks Him and acknowledges Him for the talent He gave him! Thank you Tebow for staying a man of God no matter what this insane world of NFL has thrown at you!
Giving your friend "the look" when you see someone attractive.
Your girlfriend is gorgeous, why flirt with other females?
Facebook should change the status question from "What's
on your mind?" to "What's your problem today?"
I know it's hard to be happy, but keep trying.
Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman.
I'm constantly trying to make people feel better about themselves because I know what it's like to feel bad about yourself.
Life is good. Forget the forecast. Every day is sunny.
You need to forgive that person today.
Believe me.
Your relationship failed because you are both too busy pointing out each other's mistakes and not enough time loving one another.
That's why love is madness. It's easy to lose your mind when you lose your heart.
He's going to be sorry he lost you so stop worrying. Forget the past, forget the pain, and remember what an incredible woman you are.
visit people only once a year.
reveal that you have too much free time.
To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service. To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.
So Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me
on this Christmas.
too bad it doesn't snow here.
found under a Christmas tree!
Those gifts are friends, family, kids
and the one you love!
I constantly hear tiny screams whenever
I eat them.
while looking up. Just in case the cameras of
Google Maps are filming.
Their public life, private life, and secret life.
I bet you can't.
speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry
before she forgot where she was going.
their money on. It's not clothes. It's not booze.
It's not food. It's sharpies and cardboard.
it's half full. If you pour some OUT to get
it there, it's half empty.
Just put the gun down and let's talk this out.
Sincerely,
The Cat.
so when you dream of someone else,
I can punch you in the head.
I'm writing with a pen, so my mistakes can't
be erased.
check out lanes open, unless it's really busy,
then they only use one.
like I know something and then get asked with
follow up questions.
trash cans and cupboards. Now let's see those kids
get out of there.
drugs always sound so happy about all the
side effects?
kissing Sleeping Beauty. I can't imagine how bad her
breath must have been after sleeping that long.
my head down to concentrate better.
1. Waiting for food out of the microwave.
2. Waiting for that one text/call.
just because I think it would be cool...
to poke a Hontas.
instructions that read, "Open package and use" -
what else would you do with them?
it means I haven't been listening to a word of
your conversation.
He won't expect it back.
And you never know how annoying it is until
you have it.
but when you get in a bus, you go straight to
the back.
That annoying time between naps.
are the ones that cry themselves to sleep at night.
Sometimes it takes a WRONG turn to put us in the
RIGHT place.
and make room for what feels good.
1. Those we keep from others.
2. Those we hide from ourselves.
There are so many new ones.
Try a different one each day.
what's wrong, and you tell him "nothing,"
but he waits for the real answer.
not because they are always right,
but because they have more experiences
of being wrong.
you will find a way. If it's not important to
you, you will find an excuse.
You must make the Choice to take
the Chance if you want anything to Change.
A smarter one knows who to love.
they go away the day gets brighter.
so little kids won't be scared to grow up
and fall in love.
1. I'm sorry. 2. It's my fault.
3. What can I do to make it right?
I either end up making a bigger mess
or playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
a happy ending. Sometimes, it's a chance to
end things right.
Move on. Remember life is not meant to
be traveled backwards.
Mentally, I'm drained.
Spiritually, I'm dead and yet
physically, I smile.
no one understands you; it's when you don't
understand yourself.
For every time you respect us and treat us right,
another slice of bacon will be added to any
sandwich made for you. Sincerely, a woman
who is willing to compromise.
her trust. But on the girl's part, all she needs is
his loyalty.
it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
like to look at someone and smile for no reason.
friend is that you can't talk to your best friend
about it.
apologize, while others walk all over my heart
and don't even realize.
but in liking what you do that is the secret
of happiness.
but most of the time, they run just to see who'll
come after them.
do anything for you. That's the one you
should marry.
but every time I try to move on,
my heart keeps insisting that you're the one.
people in this world, small children
and drunk people.
beginning of another story. For everything
you lose, you'll always gain something better.
because every tear is another reminder
that I still care.
to choose between what your mind tells
you and what your heart feels.
in the wrong direction, so you hit your pockets
pretending like you forgot something and
then turn and go back the other way.
some are out of timing, some get really annoying
after a while. Though the good friends are the
ones that are in key, perfect timing,
and you'll love forever and ever.
maybe you just never really knew who they were.
when we do something, we do it from the heart.
doesn't mean you bore her. It means she doesn't
want to end the conversation.
It prevents you from going back to a place you
should never have been to begin with.
They force you to slow down and think
about where you're headed.
look pretty and I look like an awkward horse?
song. Therefore I shall sing.
when you make an accidental call.
a conversation on YOUR facebook status.
you suddenly feel like you haven't eaten in weeks.
loudly and it fixes whatever is bothering you?
how she feels than she ever will.
I went outside and did stuff.
of something they did in your dream?
on your mind?" to "What's your problem today?"
Believe me.